Unspeakable Fun
by CeliaEquus
Summary: There's a new Unspeakable at the Ministry of Magic, and she's unwittingly about to play part in a dare... Threesome fic with Hermione/Rufus/Alastor. Disclaimer: As usual, I'm making no money from this. I don't even own diddly-squat, gosh darn it!


"Unspeakable Fun"

It all started with a drunken dare. Had they know how things would end, neither would have accepted.

…Well, they probably would have. But that's beside the point.

'That new bird', i.e. the mysterious Unspeakable Hermione Gelder, was the subject of much speculation when she appeared out of the blue. There were many theories: bad portkey, time-travel, failed Department of Mysteries experiment and more. The fact that Hermione Gelder rarely spoke to anyone, while not unusual for an Unspeakable, was cause for more suspicion for those outside of the DoM.

Thus, when the training Aurors got together at the Leaky Cauldron one night, they started a rousing game of truth or dare. It went on for quite some time, and involved much drinking. By the end the only unfulfilled dare was for Rufus Scrimgeour and Alastor Moody to 'shag a broad from the DoM'. Nobody necessarily at the same time, but they only had one 'broad' in mind…

Nursing hangovers the next day was hell when it came to training, which was why they all stopped off at the Ministry first aid room for potions. It was there that they ran into Hermione. Every Auror-in-training sniggered when they saw her.

"Good morning, Miss Gelder," Rufus said, leaning against the counter on one side of her. She jumped. Alastor smirked as he mirrored his friend's actions on the other side.

"How are you today?" he asked. Hermione spun around, her eyes darting between the two men flanking her.

Both were – admittedly – very good-looking. Unfortunately for most of the witches at the Ministry, neither dated much, preferring to work. However, she could see why they were unfairly dubbed heartbreakers, simply by the smouldering looks she was receiving.

Rufus had long red hair, darker than Arthur Weasley's, and he was tall and graceful. He sometimes wore reading glasses, but these didn't from his image as a ruthless fighter. Neither could they disguise the dark, golden colour of his eyes, eyes which gazed straight into her own.

Alastor was different. His hair was short and light, a kind of ash blonde, and he had beautiful, bright blue eyes. He was more direct, both in his speech and his movements, and was known for being just as hard on his enemies as Rufus was. He wasn't as tall as his friend, but both still towered over Hermione.

She gulped.

"Hello, gentlemen," she whispered, tapping her foot as she waited. Before either of the Aurors could speak the first aid officer returned with Headache Relief Potion. "Thank you, Lionel. I'd brew my own, but with this special project I just don't have the time, nor the energy…"

"It's fine, Miss Gelder. It's all part of the Ministry's health plan."

"Thank you." She toasted him and knocked back the potion, wincing as it did its work. Both men watched, fascinated, as the pained expression left her face, leaving one of bliss. She moaned. "That's so good. Thank you again."

She placed the vial back on the desk and turned to go, when she was stopped by two hands.

"I don't think we've met," Alastor said. "I am Alastor Moody." He kissed her right hand, his lips lingering on her skin.

"Um… hello…"

"And I am Rufus Scrimgeour," Rufus said, kissing her other hand.

"Nice to meet you," she said, not looking at them. "Good-bye…"

"My friend and I were wondering if you'd like to get a drink with us after work," Rufus told her, glancing at Alastor, who nodded approvingly. "You should get to know people outside of your department. We promise we won't ask questions about your work!" He held up a hand in a kind of oath-swearing way. Alastor did the same.

"Cross our hearts and hope to d…"

"No!" she said quickly. "Um, I'm sorry, but I can't. I… I have too much to do. Really."

"Just a few hours of our time; that's all we're asking," Alastor said as he refused to let go of her hand. "You're not _afraid_ of us, are you?"

She glared at him defiantly. "I'm not afraid of anything." She swallowed again. "But I really do have this important work to do, and I… I can't say anything about it. Don't you see?"

"Stock answer from all Unspeakables," Rufus said dismissively. He slipped an arm around her waist. "_Please_ say yes, Miss Gelder."

"I only have a certain amount of t-time…"

"Please?" Alastor added, giving her a hurt-puppy look. She switched her gaze from one to the other.

"Um…" Neither looked away from her, and she slumped. "Okay. I'll meet you at the Leaky at eight…"

"No," Rufus said. "We'll meet you after you've finished your work. And, Miss Gelder, you mustn't work past seven," he dropped his voice to a whisper, "or we'll come looking for you."

She shivered. "Bye, then." With that, she scampered off.

"That's further than anyone else's gotten," one of the other Aurors commented. Alastor and Rufus shrugged at each other, grinning.

"Guess we're just lucky," Alastor said.

* * *

One drink turned into more. Hermione held her liquor well; she wasn't even tipsy until drink number three. By then she was giggling in response to whichever dirty joke the two men were telling her, each with a hand on her thigh.

"…and the younger brother says, 'Could you stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise on me'!"

All three laughed, Hermione placing her hands on the table as she rocked backwards and forwards in mirth. She was flushed, possibly with embarrassment, possibly with humour, and most likely drink. But when she opened her eyes to look at her escorts she stopped laughing, and they saw just how dark her eyes had gone. Her cheeks turned even redder at their intense gazes and they felt her quivering beneath their touches.

"Hermione," Rufus purred. "I may call you Hermione?" She nodded slowly. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Ne…" She cleared her throat. "Never better."

"Are you sure?" Alastor asked. She looked at him wildly.

"Why?"

"If you're not feeling very well we can take you back to our place," he said. "We live at the academy, though…"

In the end they decided that Transfiguration was _not_ the way to go. It was far too risky in their condition. To save money they got a room together. And, to save their clothes from being rumpled by the next day, they decided against sleeping in their robes. In fact, it was really only their underwear… no, not even _that_ was comfortable enough.

"Please don't make me regret this," Hermione whispered as Rufus lowered her to the enlarged bed. She shuffled to the middle as they climbed either side of her.

"Why would you regret it? No one needs to know," he said. She gasped as Alastor wound an arm around her front, pulling her back against his body and kissing her shoulder. Her eyes shut as his lips moved up her neck, so she missed Rufus leaning down.

"Oh!" she exclaimed as he took one of her nipples into his mouth. He and Alastor chuckled, and she whimpered at the small vibrations. "This… this can't be happening to me. This kind of thing _n-never_ hap-happens to me oh gods." She gritted her teeth as Alastor's hand dipped down between her legs and Rufus switched to her other breast. He pushed her knees apart so that his friend could have better access, and Hermione arched up as she felt two fingers enter her. "Oh, sweet bloody Merlin!"

Rufus pulled away from her and grinned. "Listen to her, Alastor."

"Mmm, I'm listening," he said, now pumping his fingers in and out of her. "You need to feel her, Rufus. She's _dripping_ into my hand."

Rufus bent down to look. "And onto the covers. Saucy little kitten, aren't you?" Before Hermione could reply, he pulled her into a kiss.

Heat blazed between the three as one added another finger while the other two moaned, their tongues and hands rubbing against each other. Hermione's hips moved in time to Alastor's fingers, which were barely making it through.

"So. Damned. Tight," he said, hard as a diamond as he brought her off. Just as Rufus pulled back so that they could breathe, Hermione tightened around the fingers inside of her and screamed. She gripped onto Rufus' arms, pushing her body down onto Alastor's hand. When her breathing had slowed to its normal rate – or close enough – she fell sideways onto the covers before rolling onto her back.

"Th-thank you," she said, and she shivered. "I needed that."

"How long has it been?" Rufus asked while Alastor double-checked their wards and silencing charms. All good.

"Over a year, and that was only the one time," she said. "Not very satisfying. I've never… _never_ felt anything like that before."

"Glad to oblige," Alastor said, eyes gleaming mischievously.

"Oh! I'm such a terrible person," she said, sitting up and tentatively reaching for him. "Let me…"

"Nope," he said, turning her to Rufus. "Ride him first."

"Uh… all right," she said. She moved over so that the red-haired man could lie down. Trembling with nerves she shifted so that she was kneeling over his lap. Both men were far too well-endowed for someone who'd only had sex once, but she couldn't care less.

"Here," Alastor said kindly, and he pushed her up. Rufus moved himself into position, and hissed as she sank down onto him. Hermione whimpered in pain, but didn't stop moving. Once her pelvis finally had contact with his she allowed herself to feel past the discomfort of something so big being inside her, and instead focussed on the _feeling _of him.

So stretched… so full… so complete! She was sure that nothing could feel better than this. A gentle smile formed on her face, and she began to move up and down. Each time she descended he parted her easily, causing her pants to grow harsher. He grabbed her arms and pulled her down against his body.

"Oh my!" she cried out as the new position put a delightful pressure on her clit. Her muscles clenched around him, and Rufus groaned.

"Now, Alastor," he said. Hermione wondered what he meant. Then she felt something cold shoot up her back passage.

"W-what are you doing?" she asked, turning her head. Rufus pulled her down hard, and she yelped, eyes shutting tightly. "Alastor? Rufus, what's he doing?"

"Just hold still for a bit, precious," Rufus told her. He pulled her flush against his body again, only this time he took her lips in a passion-fuelled kiss. He was nibbling on her bottom lip one moment, the next he was meeting her tongue in a strong embrace, and then he was crushing his mouth against hers. The fierce pace almost completely distracted Hermione from what Alastor was doing. She could feel one finger in her, then two, then more wetness, and then a third finger.

"Keep her still," Alastor murmured. He parted her cheeks as he lined himself up. One more shot of lubrication, and then he was sinking in.

Hermione pulled her head back and dry-sobbed as he pushed himself in even further.

"Don't cry," Rufus said, stroking her back. "Soon it won't hurt at all."

"And you know from personal experience?" she asked, her voice weak.

"Funnily enough, no. But we've both heard things."

"Yeah, from Albus Dumbledore, which was the _last_ thing I needed to know," Alastor said, his teeth clenched as he finally seated himself fully inside. He pulled Hermione up against his body and used one hand to tilt her head. Now it was his turn for a heated kiss, and he took to it with gusto.

Only when her neck began to hurt did Hermione stop him, and that was a few minutes later. All three were panting, and she was surprised to find that it really didn't hurt anymore. Repeating her rocking action from the pub, she showed the men that she was ready.

* * *

That night they got a total of about three hours sleep. The most memorable time was when they were kneeling on the sweat-soaked bed, causing both of Hermione's holes to be even tighter, with Alastor in front and Rufus behind. She had held onto Alastor's shoulders as she raised and dropped herself, the men thrusting up on her descent. Rufus massaged her breasts while Alastor attacked them with his teeth, tongue and lips. It was the one time they could honestly say that their orgasms hit at the exact same moment, in the exact same heartbeat.

That was also the one where Hermione passed out, her unconscious body receiving aftershocks as she slumped down heavily.

The next morning all three went to work tired, and only a tiny bit in need of Hangover Potions. Hermione had to take a Pain Relief Potion as she didn't wish to limp around all day.

Her night – and morning – of passion gave her mind and body a thorough workout. She was so charged that by the next afternoon she had completed her project.

"Pub again tonight?" Alastor murmured into her ear. He and Rufus had told the other Auror students that they had been successful, but gave no details. They were young men, but they were also Gryffindors, and therefore relatively noble.

"I can't," Hermione whispered. Rufus joined them, and she led them to a secluded corner of the Atrium. "I have to go home. I'm sorry."

"Shall we _come _with you, then?" Rufus asked, arching an eyebrow and smiling wickedly.

"Not this home. I'm so sorry." She drew in a shaky breath. "I really wish things could be different, but they can't be. I have to go, and I… I can't see you again. Ever."

"Ever?" they asked loudly. She shushed them.

"Well, one day, but… oh, you'll understand then!" She was wringing her hands by now. "I told you we shouldn't have done this, and I should have stayed strong. I can never apologise enough…"

"Look, if you want to say 'no' you can just say no," Alastor told her, scowling. "We're big boys; we can take it."

"But then, you already know that," Rufus said, stroking her arm. "Hermione, please reconsider."

"It's not you, either of you! Look," she glancing around the Atrium again, "let's just say that… that one of the rumours about me was true, and you'll see which one in… in time. Now I _have_ to go. Good-bye."

She gazed up at the two Aurors, and raised her hands. She stroked both of them on the cheek, and pulled each down for a soft, chaste kiss. When they raised their heads again they could see that she was fighting back tears.

"How?" she said, eyes flitting from one to the other and back again. "How could my heart be breaking like this? I just… _don't_ understand it." She shook her head as they made to move forward, and backed away. "Good-bye. I'll see you both… someday."

She wasn't the only one left with an ache in the chest.

**

* * *

**

Kind of an open ending, and I'm sorry for that. I've yet to decide if this is canon or non-canon. If you ask for a sequel where they end up happily ever after, then it'll be non-canon. Is the whole thing out of character? Probably for Hermione, not so sure about the others.

**Anyway. Please let me know what you think! My first time writing a threesome (it's kind of practise for future stories).**


End file.
